Navigating Emotions at the End of the School Year

The end of the school year can bring children and teens feelings of joy and excitement for the summer ahead, pride in completing another grade, and relief in finally getting through exams. But it can also bring up more difficult emotions. Regret or guilt for not studying as much as they wanted. Shame for failing a course and needing to do it all over again this summer. Grief in leaving a school or graduating. Sadness in being separated from close friends that they saw everyday at school.

Between end of year BBQ’s and pool parties, we want to create space for some of the more difficult emotions this time of year can bring. Here are a few tips for helping your child or teen to share and cope with the harder parts of ending a school year:

1. Create a Memory Collage: Especially if your child is leaving their school to start somewhere new next year, you can help them create a visual space for their fondest memories.
   • Help them gather their memories by collecting pictures taken throughout the year, writing down their favourite memories, or drawing them.
   • Having a visual of their highlights of the year can provide some comfort in knowing that these memories will not be forgotten.
2. Ask Questions about a Variety of Emotions: We usually ask questions that are geared towards excitement and joy: “What are you most excited for this summer?” “Are you happy to be done grade 5?” If we don’t ask about the other experiences, we may not hear about them.
   • You could try asking “What was the hardest thing you did this year?”, or
   • “What are you going to miss most about this year?”, or
   • “Is there anything you wish you did differently this year that we can help you with next year?”. Sometimes we need to ask before children and teens feel comfortable sharing.
3. Reduce Shame around Failing: School is not for everyone. And that’s okay. If your teen really struggled this year, you are not alone!
   • You can validate their feelings by saying things like “I know this was a tough year and you seem disappointed with your grades”, or “I can tell that you are really frustrated that you have to re-do that class”.
   • You can also highlight their efforts in school: “You worked really hard in French this year and we saw a lot of improvement” and their efforts outside of school: “I know getting out of bed was really tough with your depression this winter. I am proud of you for making to class as often as you did”.
4. Keep Problem Solving Future-Focused: Rather than lecturing on all the things they should have done differently to pass their classes this year, you can help them build their problem solving strategies by asking some open questions about what they think could help next year:
   • “I know that it was tough to make it to your first class of the day, what do you think would help you make it on time next year?”, or
   • “I know homework was the last thing you wanted to do after school this year, what can we do to help you get it done next year?”
5. Focus on Effort over Results: When we praise children and teens for their effort, we are motivating them to keep trying, focus on their growth, and feel proud of themselves. Rather than focusing on their grades, you can try praising their efforts:
   • “I saw you studying for math a lot this year. You really worked hard on that subject”, or
   • “I was really proud of you for doing your presentation in front of the class when you felt nervous”, or
   • “I know you were balancing work, school, and soccer this year. I impressed with how you put effort into each area”.

If you think you or your child/teen may benefit from more support, reach out to us at intake@attachedkids.ca to talk about virtual counselling options for the summer and to help them prepare for September!