Calm Down Corner: What it is, and How to Create One
If you’re a parent, you’ve probably heard of a calm-down corner. But what is it, and why would you want one?
A calm-down corner is a small, designated space in your home where you and your child can go to co-regulate during big emotional moments. It doesn’t need to be a separate room. It can be as simple as a cozy chair in a corner with a few items that help your child feel safe and soothed.
Why Co-Regulation Matters
One of the biggest things we support parents with is the idea of co-regulation. Co-regulation is when a caregiver helps a child calm their nervous system by lending them their own through presence, tone, body language, and gentle coaching. Think of it like this: your child is not able to calm down on their own, so you are their ‘outside’ nervous system and let them borrow your calm. This might look like getting on their level, staying calm, and guiding them through the emotion instead of expecting them to manage it alone.
This matters because emotional self-regulation is an advanced executive functioning skill, not an instinct. Parts of the brain required for self-regulation and executive functioning continue developing well into the mid-20s. Kids with lagging skills, sensory sensitivities, or ADHD will naturally struggle more with calming down independently.
So when we tell a child, “Go calm down,” we’re essentially asking them to use a skill they haven’t fully developed yet. In fact, even adults (myself included!) sometimes struggle to use positive skills rather than reacting based on pure emotion. Expecting a small child to do it alone can be unrealistic and unfair. The good news is that with parental support and co-regulation, we can help children develop these skills with the aim of them being able to do it independently as they grow.
click here for our Online Course: Emotion Regulation to learn more about co-regulation
How Calm Down Corners Can Help
A calm-down corner gives children a soothing space to practice regulating with you. Think of it like an emotional gym–it’s the place they go to practice their reps of emotional regulation, and you’re their coach. Through repeated use—not just during meltdowns, but during mild frustration too—their brain starts associating big emotions with healthy strategies instead of hitting, yelling, or shutting down.
6 Ideas for a Great Calm-Down Corner
1. A Cozy Place to Sit
This could be a small chair, bean bag, floor cushion, or pillow. Anything comfortable and inviting.
2. Soothing Sensory Items
Choose things to squeeze or fidget with, such as play-doh, stress balls, squishy toys. Adding soft blankets, warm lighting, or fairy lights can make the space feel safe and inviting.
3. A Feelings Chart
A visual chart helps kids label their emotions, which activates the thinking part of the brain which helps them to calm down.
4. Deep Breathing Tools
Display child-friendly breathing exercises. Even if your child is too overwhelmed to follow at first, your slow, steady breathing next to them helps regulate their nervous system.
5. Coping Cards
A great craft-night activity: create cards with different coping ideas (hug a stuffy, drink water, stretch, count to 10, ask for a break). Kids love choosing their own strategy.
6. Weighted Items (Used Safely!)
Weighted stuffed animals or child-safe weighted blankets can be calming. Always follow safety guidelines and supervise young children when using any weighted item.
Click here for free downloadable print-outs for a feelings chart and deep breathing exercises.
Building Co-Regulation Skills
At Attached Kids, we think co-regulation is pretty important, but also know that it’s not always easy, and for some, might not have been modelled to us as children. If you’re struggling to actually use the calm-down corner consistently, or you want specific support with co-regulation, we are here to help. Reach out to book a free consultation at intake@attachedkids.ca.