Speaking Your Child’s Love Language

Have you ever heard of the Five Love Languages? The concept was created by marriage counsellor Dr. Gary Chapman in working with couples. Chapman noticed that many couples misunderstood their partner’s love cues and often didn’t express love in the way their partner needed it. For example, maybe one partner shows love through gift giving, but their partner actually feels most loved through acts of service (like taking something big off their to-do list). Importantly, love languages go both ways: we each have a preferred way to express love, and a preferred way to receive it.

At Attached Kids, part of what we do is help you build a secure relationship with your child, one where they feel deeply loved, understood, and safe. When children feel loved, it strengthens their sense of safety with their parents and in the world around them. They tend to be more confident, emotionally secure, and better able to connect with others.

In honour of World Kindness Day, let’s explore how to speak your child’s love language. After all, what greater kindness is there than showing up for your child in the way that means the most to them? At its core, I believe love languages are about helping someone feel seen and heard. And yes, children have love languages, too! For example, their way of showing love might be calling you over to poke your fingers into slime with them (don’t worry, that might eventually evolve into less messy quality time!).

Understanding your child’s love language doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong as it is, it simply offers another way to tune into your child and help them feel seen, valued, and emotionally safe.

The Five Love Languages for Kids 

Words of Affirmation

Children who speak this language thrive on kind, encouraging words. They feel loved when they hear praise, appreciation, gentle reassurance, or words of genuine kindness. 

Example: leaving a small note in their lunchbox with encouraging words about their day at school.

Acts of Service

For these kids, actions speak louder than words. Helping them through something that is important to them is key. 

Example: Sitting down and helping them fix their broken toy set. 

Receiving Gifts

Gift giving isn’t about materialism–it’s about the thought behind them. One of my favourite gifts I have received is a dollar store cat mug my grandma got for me. She doesn’t even like cats, but knows I do, and the token represented the fact that she thought of me. 

Example: Bringing home a cool rock or a sticker that made you think of them. 

Quality Time

Some children feel most loved when they have your full attention with no distractions, just connection. 

Example: Reading a book together and savouring every page with giggles and cuddles. . 

Physical Touch

A warm hug, snuggle, or high-five can fill a child’s emotional cup. 

Example: Rubbing their back when they’re upset. 

Take a moment to notice how your child expresses and seeks love–is it one of these, or a combination of them all?. And don’t forget your own love language so that you can notice what you need to feel taken care of, too.