ADHD makes many parts of a teen's day very difficult. Waking up early, morning routines, studying topics they aren’t interested in, keeping track of deadlines and managing their time, doing laundry, keeping their room clean, helping with chores. And the list goes on. They aren't choosing to make these things difficult, they just are.
Teens who have ADHD hear a lot of comments about their effort and productivity from those around them. It comes from a place of care and concern, but it also harms the self-esteem of teens, and overlooks the level of difficulty it can take to do these daily tasks. That is why teens will never hear me say these things to them:
“It’s not that hard.”
“Your sister can do it. Why can’t you?”
“You’re just being lazy.”
“You’ll never be successful if you can’t do this.”
These are things teens with ADHD hear over and over again, but they won't hear it from me. I know that teens with ADHD want to do well, care deeply about their own success, have strong desires to be helpful, and often feel like they are disappointing people in their lives.
Instead of these statements, I use motivating and validating statements, like:
“I know this is genuinely hard for you.”
“This is more difficult for you than for your sister and that makes sense.”
“I know you want to get it all done.”
“Let’s find strategies to help your brain feel less overwhelmed and more capable of getting these tasks done.”
“Great job getting to school on time today!”
Worried about a teen in your life? Counselling can help. Our online ADHD course is also a great way for parents to understand what is happening in their brains and the strategies to support them to build.
Being a teen with ADHD is not easy, and it’s definitely not easy for parents to navigate. If your teen has ADHD, check out our ADHD course for more detailed steps and strategies to support children and teens with ADHD. We use videos and handouts so you can learn at your own pace, and get started implementing strategies at home right away.
Want to go even further? Our skilled child, adolescent, parent and family therapists are here for one on one support to help you navigate these challenging moments. Book an intake call now.
Written by: Meghan Pistchik MSW, RSW | Owner of Attached Kids, Child and Family Therapist
