Do’s and Don’ts of Praise
I get a lot of questions from parents about praise. Does praise actually help kids feel confident, feel motivated, and follow through on tasks? The answer - YES! - If you do it right.
What to Avoid When Giving Praise:
❌ General statements like: “Good Job” or “Good Girl”: These general statements don’t communicate what was done well and what we want to see more of.
❌ Praise that is followed by criticism: "Good job cleaning your room - why can’t you just do it the first time I ask?” Adding a criticism negates the praise. It is no longer motivating, it is criticizing and it looses it’s effect.
❌ Only praising perfection or great results: “I am so proud of you for getting an A!” “I am proud of you for making the competitive team!” Yes, they are achieving something great, and yes, you are proud. But only praising top results can put pressure on children to excel, and cause them to feel bad about themselves when they don’t. It may even make them more likely to give up when something is hard.
DO THESE Instead:
Specific praise: “Thank you for unloading the dishwasher.” “I am proud of you for getting your homework done when you did not want to do it.” Being specific tells kids what you want to see more of and increases the motivation to do it again.
Keep praise separate from criticism or corrections: “You got most of your room clean, thank you". THIS is how we use praise to motivate future action. If we focus on what was done well, it is more likely that kids will feel motivated to do more.
Praise effort over results: “I saw that you worked hard on the ice during practice today.” “I am proud of you for studying really hard for that test.” Here, we are praising the skills we want them to continue to develop and feel proud of: hard work, believing in themselves, resilience. Praising effort over results can improve self-esteem, work ethic, and resilience.
Praise is one of our best motivators for kids. Use it right, and see the results that follow!
Want to dig deeper into the key strategies for motivation? Check out our online course: The Foundations of Behaviour
Written by: Meghan Pistchik MSW, RSW
Child and family therapist, Director of Attached Kids
Reminder: The information shared in our blog is for informational purposes only and is not meant to substitute professional support.
